I haven’t experienced many deaths in my 31 years. My
grandmother when I was 8, my family dog when I was 17, and my husband’s
grandfather before we were married. As an adult, we've lost my Aunt Joan, the kindest woman I’ve ever
known, my step-mother’s father, a WWII veteran, passed away just before Christmas,
and most recently, my husband’s uncle. The older I am getting, the more I am
witnessing these losses.
My relationship with these losses feels so heavy and
emotional, but also like they are not mine. I see the sadness and suffering of
people I love very much, but does it also belong to me? I feel like an fraud when I weep for the losses. I weep for the absence of life, I weep for my hurting
family, and I weep for the realization that maybe they didn’t get to do all
that they set out to do. I, then, start to look inward.
Why is it that it
takes a loss to help us to see what is important? A death that makes us shift
our priorities? The end of something to help us begin again with purpose?
2017 has not started out as I would have liked. Things are
hard at work. Things are hard at home. Schedules don’t allow for much self-care (2017 cliche?). That all changes now.
Things I am doing for me:
- Personal Training – Getting fit and taking control of my health
- Food Consumption – Significantly reduce the amount of animal products I consume
- Education – Seriously consider going to school for Holistic Nutrition
- Mindfulness – Meditation and mindfulness solo and with my family
- Relationships – Monthly date nights with my husband, one-on-one time with each son, reach out to family and friends more regularly outside of social media
- Minimalism – Reduce the crap and clutter in my home and office that doesn’t have meaning or create joy in my life
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