I went to sit with my garden, as I often do when I am looking for connection or answers from that which I cannot explain. (In all honesty, while trying to "do the work," my oldest son came out, certain that his foot was poisoned. I gave him some dill from the garden to cure it, and we went back inside.) This isn't where I was going to find it.
After putting my youngest son down for nap, I, again, went outside and listened to Tara Brach's talk on Authentic Thanks Giving. While it was featured during the holiday season, the message was Gratitude and Generosity. She led "us" through a moment of saying "I am grateful for ______." I said I was grateful for my sister's health, for the doctors, for the nurses, for the coldcap, for the chemo, for eastern and western medicine, for her strength to get through it, for the support our family was able to show her..." the list went on. While I was sincere in it all, it wasn't until Tara Brach prompted me to say "Thank You," that I completely lost it. I said it over and over and over through tears, and shortened breath. As I write now I am still misty with it all.
That is the answer. There isn't one person to share the gratitude with. It is everyone. It is God, The Universe, Science, the doctors, Chantele's body and for fighting, her community, her family, the person who gave her a massage when she was feeling really run down from the chemo. Her husband's employer for providing great benefits so they wouldn't have to worry how to pay for saving her life.
The list can go on.
I am also thankful for the people who supported me. Who checked in on me on quiet days. Who asked how my sister was during school pick up and just walking down the street. Thank you for not allowing me to feel alone and letting me talk about it.
So, let's continue on the journey of sending her good healing vibes so she can continue to heal and put this chapter behind her. Behind us.
In gratitude,
Emily
